Jean AKA Jeannie AKA Jeanie is a film, book, and magazine reviewer for a national magazine. Most of Jean’s work is done through email, which means he doesn't have to go into the office.
On a trip to find a gift for his girlfriend, Jean found an empty Genie Bottle. Upon picking up this bottle, Jean became the bottle’s new genie-powered occupant. Not only was Jean turned into a genie, but the bottle turned him into what he believed a genie of the bottle should look like. Which, due to his fascination with a classic 60s TV show, turned him into a busty blonde woman.
Jeanie (unless genies are significantly heavier than humans) would not sink at all, and likely wouldn’t even cause a splash, in molten gold. Gold is nearly 20 times as dense as water, which is a good approximation of human density.
If she were to float on her back, she would only displace / sink about half an inch.
Same thing with lava as rock is also denser than water, most people think you would sink into it, but you would just cook on the surface. That is one of the things Tolkien got wrong in The Lord of the Rings, Gollum would not have sunk in and his body would have likely saved the ring long enough for Sauron’s people to have retrieved it, but lets not go there.
Making provably false statements about a famous book apropos of nothing is pretty provocative behaviour for someone who doesn’t want to “go there”, is all I’ll say.
Gollum didn’t sunk in, he MELTED after the water in his body evaporated. And not even Nazguls are suicidal enough to go to arm distance of that lava, much less to try taking the ring. Saruman MIGHT be able to construct some device to capture it, but not THAT quickly.
Molten gold is not gold in color. It glows yellow orange. Pretty much the same color as anything else at about 2000 degrees Fahrenheit. Like, oh, I don’t know, lava?
If it looks metallic gold, it’s probably something like wax with powdered gold or brass suspended in it.
Alya, who apparently thinks of herself as Jeanie’s BFF, is happy to shove Jeanie into the…stuff, although she looks a bit anxious afterwards. This is apparently a reasonable ritual, but I have no clue what the purpose is, or how Jeanie will be affected.
True/agreed… and I just jumped to “it *is* gold” above based on Robert’s comment. Jeanie calls it lava (debatable whether it ought to be magma, since it is below ground… but it’s an open pool exposed to air, so…) 🙂
Mind you, molten just-about-anything-mineral-like is going to be significantly more dense than humans. That would probably *not* be the case with your suggested wax with powdered metal suspended in it.
I have doubts about it being wax, but suspect (for no particular reason) that it is *not* lava/magma, nor molten metal.
Maybe the purpose is to burn away the last of a genie’s human weaknesses (for those who were originally human). After all, they’re probably getting tired of Jean’s nonsense.
We have no idea what it is. Jeannie have no idea what it is. But guess who knows what it is? Alya and Shula. And they showed about the same level of concern about what will happen to Jeannie OR her dress as if it would be water. Whatever it is, it’s about as dangerous to genies as a hot tub/spa to humans.
Jeanie has hated that dress since the first instant she saw it. She hated it even more once she found out how constrictive it is. She certainly won’t weep if it’s destroyed.
Bonus: WE get some cheesecake.
I think that dress is some sort of a restraint on her ability to use magic, maybe a mental inhibitor. She’s been a lot more willing to put up with what’s been happening to her, and she didn’t levitate herself back onto her feet after she fell down.
Is it gold or is Robert just doing a batman-style narrator’s rhetorical question bit? Find out next week!
I’m betting it’s a magic….something that just looks like molten gold. As for all of the debate about heat or fumes or whatever, this is just more evidence that genies are creatures of magic that only appear human and can’t really be harmed by non-magical means.
Agreed. Kazom told Rouyaa on page 378 that Eevi would be “subject to injury” like any mortal. That implies that genies are not and that whatever that molten stuff is won’t hurt her.
Hellsing: Protagonist died in first episode. Phantomarine: Protagonist died in prologue. Randall & Hopkirk: Protagonist died on beginning of first episode. Why do you want to roll the credits again?
… besides, based on Alya and Shula’s behaviour, it’s about as dangerous to genies as a hot tub/spa to humans.
Ya know, everyone is talking about whether that pool is gold or not, but no one has mentioned the pot of gold at the top of the page, or the lovely guardian of it.
Regarding the content of the pool, I had a different thought: could this be the “golden lagoon” from a certain Transformers Season 2 episode that grants temporary invulnerability to any transformer who bathes in it? We’ve had crossovers/parodies of other old TV shows, so one with Transformers would be neat. I don’t remember if the episode revealed what it would do to humans, and even if it did, the effect on genies could easily be different.
There was a fantasy book that came out 15 to 20 years ago that i can’t remember the name of. The protagonist was a truck driver/barbarian whose soul was changed to that of a fey. He was shoved into a lava pit but ended up transforming into a full female Ferrie. It was a major fantasy author, I’m just blanking on the name.
You MIGHT be thinking of “River of Dancing Gods” https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1416797.The_River_of_Dancing_Gods
Jack L Chalker “major fantasy author” and the time is about right.
My copy is not at hand but I remember the protagonist was a truck driver who was changed into something
Thank you, I remembered Chalker’s name a few days ago. He died a few years ago and since I had read most of his books I had started to forget about him. I picked up that book again this morning for my Kindel to reread. Well written, fun story.
It was part of a pentology of stories by Jack Chalker that were a satiric take on fantasy sagas. I think that they re-issued the series a couple of years ago.
The River of Dancing gods series was a high parody of high fantasy. The underlying conceit was two people from our world traveling to a parallel world where common fantasy tropes have been written into physical laws of the universe. Imagine a whole world run by fantasy fanboys. One rule is people have to follow the rules applicable to their character class (barbarian, witch, merchant, whatever) and part of the fun is the characters rules lawyering with reality itself. For example, if your class is “barbarian hero” you have to follow all of the barbarian and heroic rules and finding and exploiting loopholes is part of the plot. Since it is a Chalker book both main characters get transformed several times and have to deal with the rules governing their new forms. The first three books pretty good, the last two are for Chalker fans only, and the last book ends on a sequel hook that Chalker never resolved before he died. Anyway, “Fairies can swim through lava” shows up a couple of times in the series.
I have seen this somewhere before… Oh yeah ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’, it looks a bit like gold on my monitor, however. Maybe Jeanie will transform herself into a dragon and fly out of the Pool of Magma. Or not. Darn ‘Lake of Fire’
1 – The color scheme for Jeannie’s Sisters outfit was Green and Gold. Does that mean Jean’s outfit will change to that color scheme? Know she normally wears pink, but having a different outfit for a chapter or 2 would be a nice change-up.
2 – We haven’t seen the ‘subserviant genie’ side of Jean since the ‘Middle School prom’ chapter. I forgot what happened to that side of Jean. But I’m wondering if we’ll ever see it again.
I think #1 is unlikely, given the outfit that Jeanie is wearing in this month’s Patreon wallpaper. I get the feeling that she may be changing to that outfit for a decent period of time after this “gold dip”… though that is purely a guess.
Aiya: “It will make everything better!”
I doubt Jeanie getting fondued in lava ala Gollum is what Aiya means. Jeanie is going to be transformed, but how, exactly?
And if JT’s Parallels model is correct, how will Natalie be transformed?
Or, as my Mom put it to my younger, often muddied, self: “A hot bath will make you presentable to polite company.”
She only threatened lava in cases of extreme filth and inordinate delay.
Remember, there’s one other story about a character who fell into a lake of lava and came out very much changed. That was when Anakin Skywalker firs put on his Darth Vader armor. This may be an attempt to burn away or give Jeanie control over the Blue Djinn magic that’s still within her.
Jeanie needs to get these jinns to watch “The Brass Bottle” (1964; staring Tony Randell, Burl Ives, Barbara Eden, Kamala Devi). (It was the movie that both inspired the creation of the series “I Dream of Jeannie” (1965-70), and also brought Barbara Eden to their attention.) One of the things that happens in the movie is a Jinn Princess discovers that according to the laws of the modern world she no longer has to obey everything male Jinns say, so she starts her own reformation of Jinn society. It’s just one scene and mostly just played as a joke at Burl Ives’ character’s expense, but it might help our Jeanie start a change to the society that trying to dictate her life right now.
Maybe the molten gold will be a good learning experience for Jean.
I know Saint Patrick’s Day was recently, but THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!
Can Jeanie swim? In gold?
Just seems like something you would ask first.
Assuming that genies have a similar density to humans, she’d float, gold is quite dense
Look at it from the other angle: They didn’t even asked … THAT sure they are that it’s safe.
And remember that it was Alya’s idea.
Also, they didn’t even make her put down the clothes, so presumably even the clothes will survive it.
https://tenor.com/H9AA.gif
Presumably, she is fireproof.
Jeanie (unless genies are significantly heavier than humans) would not sink at all, and likely wouldn’t even cause a splash, in molten gold. Gold is nearly 20 times as dense as water, which is a good approximation of human density.
If she were to float on her back, she would only displace / sink about half an inch.
Alternatively, the molten gold is magic and behaves like water because that’s how genies expect liquids to behave.
Same thing with lava as rock is also denser than water, most people think you would sink into it, but you would just cook on the surface. That is one of the things Tolkien got wrong in The Lord of the Rings, Gollum would not have sunk in and his body would have likely saved the ring long enough for Sauron’s people to have retrieved it, but lets not go there.
Making provably false statements about a famous book apropos of nothing is pretty provocative behaviour for someone who doesn’t want to “go there”, is all I’ll say.
Gollum didn’t sunk in, he MELTED after the water in his body evaporated. And not even Nazguls are suicidal enough to go to arm distance of that lava, much less to try taking the ring. Saruman MIGHT be able to construct some device to capture it, but not THAT quickly.
Molten gold is not gold in color. It glows yellow orange. Pretty much the same color as anything else at about 2000 degrees Fahrenheit. Like, oh, I don’t know, lava?
If it looks metallic gold, it’s probably something like wax with powdered gold or brass suspended in it.
Alya, who apparently thinks of herself as Jeanie’s BFF, is happy to shove Jeanie into the…stuff, although she looks a bit anxious afterwards. This is apparently a reasonable ritual, but I have no clue what the purpose is, or how Jeanie will be affected.
True/agreed… and I just jumped to “it *is* gold” above based on Robert’s comment. Jeanie calls it lava (debatable whether it ought to be magma, since it is below ground… but it’s an open pool exposed to air, so…) 🙂
Mind you, molten just-about-anything-mineral-like is going to be significantly more dense than humans. That would probably *not* be the case with your suggested wax with powdered metal suspended in it.
I have doubts about it being wax, but suspect (for no particular reason) that it is *not* lava/magma, nor molten metal.
Either it’s not molten metal, or there is LOT of magic involved.
Hmm… parallels?
Rodge pushes Natalie into the water — Eeeeeeeeeek / Splash!
Shula pushes Jeanie into the _____ — Eeeeeeeeeek / Splat!
I think that the “splat!” indicates that whatever is in that pool is substantially denser than water.
“Parallels”? Oooh, I like that. I like that a lot.
Except…
Isn’t this part of a mating ceremony?
If A is parallel to B, then isn’t B parallel to A?
If it was actual lava, radiant heat would be enough to set the other two genies on fire. Not that Jeanie would likely know that.
(that’s assuming a lot, especially since some are made of fire)
Maybe the purpose is to burn away the last of a genie’s human weaknesses (for those who were originally human). After all, they’re probably getting tired of Jean’s nonsense.
Being genies, they may be immune to injury by non-magical fire. Jeanie’s dress, however, may lack such protection.
Obviously if either Jeannie or the dress were vulnerable they wouldn’t have been pushed into the pit.
Still I wonder how comfortable must be moving inside molten gold or breathing the toxic fumes.
We have no idea what it is. Jeannie have no idea what it is. But guess who knows what it is? Alya and Shula. And they showed about the same level of concern about what will happen to Jeannie OR her dress as if it would be water. Whatever it is, it’s about as dangerous to genies as a hot tub/spa to humans.
Genis were often said to be residents of the plane of fire. Jeanie may have a natural heat resistance.
Jeanie has hated that dress since the first instant she saw it. She hated it even more once she found out how constrictive it is. She certainly won’t weep if it’s destroyed.
Bonus: WE get some cheesecake.
I think that dress is some sort of a restraint on her ability to use magic, maybe a mental inhibitor. She’s been a lot more willing to put up with what’s been happening to her, and she didn’t levitate herself back onto her feet after she fell down.
I suspect this is going to involve mood altering fun >>
Is it gold or is Robert just doing a batman-style narrator’s rhetorical question bit? Find out next week!
I’m betting it’s a magic….something that just looks like molten gold. As for all of the debate about heat or fumes or whatever, this is just more evidence that genies are creatures of magic that only appear human and can’t really be harmed by non-magical means.
Agreed. Kazom told Rouyaa on page 378 that Eevi would be “subject to injury” like any mortal. That implies that genies are not and that whatever that molten stuff is won’t hurt her.
Well… protagonist is dead. Time to roll credits or focus on a different character.
Next week is I Dream of Natalie.
Been there, wrote that.
Hellsing: Protagonist died in first episode. Phantomarine: Protagonist died in prologue. Randall & Hopkirk: Protagonist died on beginning of first episode. Why do you want to roll the credits again?
… besides, based on Alya and Shula’s behaviour, it’s about as dangerous to genies as a hot tub/spa to humans.
“Oh, those lava baths really work the nerves. A good going-over with pumice stones would do it, but, no, that’s not good enough…”
Maybe this a pool of magic instead and it will help Jean relax for her new royal position.
Ya know, everyone is talking about whether that pool is gold or not, but no one has mentioned the pot of gold at the top of the page, or the lovely guardian of it.
Yeah! Jeanie looks very good as a “sexy leprechaun”.
With air bubbles floating above the lava I don’t think it is liquid rock. Maybe melted butter? Spa time.
The burning embers in the air above the lava don’t look that appetizing.
Those aren’t embers, they’re flies being incinerated. Maybe this is actually a genie version of a bug zapper.
Lahab told her they had ways of doing things. Zombie happy juice. Jeanie the Zombie?
Cue Alicia Keys’ “Girl on Fire”
Regarding the content of the pool, I had a different thought: could this be the “golden lagoon” from a certain Transformers Season 2 episode that grants temporary invulnerability to any transformer who bathes in it? We’ve had crossovers/parodies of other old TV shows, so one with Transformers would be neat. I don’t remember if the episode revealed what it would do to humans, and even if it did, the effect on genies could easily be different.
CD does like his crossovers with classic TV shows. So maybe!
There was a fantasy book that came out 15 to 20 years ago that i can’t remember the name of. The protagonist was a truck driver/barbarian whose soul was changed to that of a fey. He was shoved into a lava pit but ended up transforming into a full female Ferrie. It was a major fantasy author, I’m just blanking on the name.
I WISH that name would Unblank immediately.
C’Mon, Name, don’t be shy. We won’t hurt you.
You MIGHT be thinking of “River of Dancing Gods”
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1416797.The_River_of_Dancing_Gods
Jack L Chalker “major fantasy author” and the time is about right.
My copy is not at hand but I remember the protagonist was a truck driver who was changed into something
Thank you, I remembered Chalker’s name a few days ago. He died a few years ago and since I had read most of his books I had started to forget about him. I picked up that book again this morning for my Kindel to reread. Well written, fun story.
Ah. Jack L. Chalker. Well written, I’ll believe. Inventive, very. I’ll add this one to the stack. Thanks.
It was part of a pentology of stories by Jack Chalker that were a satiric take on fantasy sagas. I think that they re-issued the series a couple of years ago.
The River of Dancing gods series was a high parody of high fantasy. The underlying conceit was two people from our world traveling to a parallel world where common fantasy tropes have been written into physical laws of the universe. Imagine a whole world run by fantasy fanboys. One rule is people have to follow the rules applicable to their character class (barbarian, witch, merchant, whatever) and part of the fun is the characters rules lawyering with reality itself. For example, if your class is “barbarian hero” you have to follow all of the barbarian and heroic rules and finding and exploiting loopholes is part of the plot. Since it is a Chalker book both main characters get transformed several times and have to deal with the rules governing their new forms. The first three books pretty good, the last two are for Chalker fans only, and the last book ends on a sequel hook that Chalker never resolved before he died. Anyway, “Fairies can swim through lava” shows up a couple of times in the series.
I have seen this somewhere before… Oh yeah ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’, it looks a bit like gold on my monitor, however. Maybe Jeanie will transform herself into a dragon and fly out of the Pool of Magma. Or not. Darn ‘Lake of Fire’
2 things:
1 – The color scheme for Jeannie’s Sisters outfit was Green and Gold. Does that mean Jean’s outfit will change to that color scheme? Know she normally wears pink, but having a different outfit for a chapter or 2 would be a nice change-up.
2 – We haven’t seen the ‘subserviant genie’ side of Jean since the ‘Middle School prom’ chapter. I forgot what happened to that side of Jean. But I’m wondering if we’ll ever see it again.
I think #1 is unlikely, given the outfit that Jeanie is wearing in this month’s Patreon wallpaper. I get the feeling that she may be changing to that outfit for a decent period of time after this “gold dip”… though that is purely a guess.
Aiya: “It will make everything better!”
I doubt Jeanie getting fondued in lava ala Gollum is what Aiya means. Jeanie is going to be transformed, but how, exactly?
And if JT’s Parallels model is correct, how will Natalie be transformed?
As if you never heard phrase “a hot bath will make everything better”.
Or, as my Mom put it to my younger, often muddied, self: “A hot bath will make you presentable to polite company.”
She only threatened lava in cases of extreme filth and inordinate delay.
Remember, there’s one other story about a character who fell into a lake of lava and came out very much changed. That was when Anakin Skywalker firs put on his Darth Vader armor. This may be an attempt to burn away or give Jeanie control over the Blue Djinn magic that’s still within her.
I’m just going to presume it’s pure liquefied magic or something.
Jeanie needs to get these jinns to watch “The Brass Bottle” (1964; staring Tony Randell, Burl Ives, Barbara Eden, Kamala Devi). (It was the movie that both inspired the creation of the series “I Dream of Jeannie” (1965-70), and also brought Barbara Eden to their attention.) One of the things that happens in the movie is a Jinn Princess discovers that according to the laws of the modern world she no longer has to obey everything male Jinns say, so she starts her own reformation of Jinn society. It’s just one scene and mostly just played as a joke at Burl Ives’ character’s expense, but it might help our Jeanie start a change to the society that trying to dictate her life right now.